Genki janai...

The depression has started to sink in its shadowy fingers. I'm not too happy right now. And I wasn't too happy yesterday. Classes have begun and I'm not busy doing exciting things anymore. Yeah, the weekend was a lot of fun. Sunday was spent recuperating, and since then I've been spiraling downward. Not sure where I'm going, I can't really control things anymore.

I really don't want to sit here and write an emo heavy post, but I'm afraid that's what it has come to.

Little things are setting me off. I feel responsible for each and every individual, making sure everyone is satisfied with me. I feel a pressure of doing things just right, or have my life get fucked up. And when something goes wrong, I get 50lbs of earth lodged in my chest, and I can't breathe.

I have no willpower to do anything. I've run out of clean clothes, and everythings just scattered on the floor. I have a pile of school papers next to my desk that have yet to find a home anywhere. But I can't bring myself to care.

I've also pretty much decided that there is very little I'm going to learn here. My classes are so low level, I have no will to self-study, so I'm just going to stay where I am the entire time. How hopeless.

It's not that I want to go home. In fact, I don't want to. I like it here, and I love Japan. My friends are so nice and I'm always being given the opportunity to do something, or go somewhere. So - I'm not homesick. Just... generally... depressed.

It's really very awful. I want to spend the rest of the day in bed, but I am going shoe shopping. Hopefully that will cheer me up.